Of all the gin joints…
by schwarmereione
Summary: Reaction fic after episode 4x04 "Don't Haze Me Bro". For the purposes of this fic, you'll have to assume that "This is a pickup!" actually happened.


Title: Of all the gin joints…  
Author: schwarmerei1**  
**Fandom/Pairing: The Good Wife, Alicia/Kalinda, Kalinda/Lana, Alicia/Maddie (unfortunately this is not an orgy)**  
**Rating: M**  
**Word Count: 1,200**  
**Warning: Booze, Predatory 'feminists', Language**  
**Summary: Alicia keeps cheating on Kalinda with other women in bars, what if...  
Spoilers: Through episode 4.04**  
**Author's Note: Thanks to **hotladykisses** for some checkery

_For the purposes of this fic, you'll have to assume that "This is a pickup!" actually happened._

Kalinda knew she was off her game. She got another reminder when she failed to realise what bar Lana was taking her to until she was inside the door. This was bad, this was somewhere she didn't want to be. But Lana was not to know that this was the place Kalinda had her last unreservedly happy evening with Alicia. She'd thought she'd won, that Blake was beaten, that she could finally relax. And then she walked into that car-park and the inevitable crashing down of the new world of Kalinda Sharma had begun.

"What?" Lana watched Kalinda hesitate.

"It's nothing." Kalinda tried for a genuine smile. Lana had been gracious about the fiasco of their first time in bed. She'd said nothing over their dinner together after drinks the next night, and then let Kalinda top afterwards by way of apology without comment or an attempt to switch it up. Also, Lana deserved to know about Nick, although how Kalinda was going to pitch that warning successfully without Lana learning a lot more than Kalinda wanted her to, was going to be difficult.

So she let Lana steer her to two vacant bar stools and acquiesced as the bartender was beckoned.

"Campari and soda for me, Kalinda?"

"Bourbon, thanks." She definitely did not want a beer and definitely not tequila.

Kalinda was grateful her drink arrived quickly. She still felt edgy. She looked around as she took her first sip and froze.

Down the other end of the bar, and looking uncomfortable at that, was Alicia. And Kalinda knew who she was with. Not personally, but by reputation. Now Kalinda had two women she needed to warn.

Whatever problems were between them, Alicia still had a feeling for Kalinda, so it was not surprising that she looked around and then directly at her. And then at the woman next to her.

Well this was awkward. It wasn't exactly a mystery what Alicia thought of Lana. This felt bizarrely like they'd both been caught cheating on each other. Kalinda raised her eyebrows and shrugged 'what you gonna do?' to Alicia.

Attuned to Kalinda as she was, of course Lana noticed and her head snapped around. Kalinda watched as she raised her glass and smirked in Alicia's direction and then gave a very nonchalant and obvious wave. Honestly, Kalinda wouldn't have been surprised if Lana (closeted or not) had put a possessive arm around her shoulders.

"Your girlfriend is cheating on you." Commented the FBI agent.

"Given that I'm here with you, I probably deserve it." Kalinda tried to reengage Lana with her eyes and direct her attention away from the other end of the room.

"Who is that?" Maddie was staring down the bar.

Alicia was caught. She'd been sure that Maddie handing over her credit card was her cue to leave. And then she'd seen Kalinda.

"Um, someone I work with."

"Who is the woman with her?" Maddie's questions were as direct as ever.

"She's an FBI agent."

"Really?" Maddie was staring now. "She doesn't look like an FBI agent."

Alicia wasn't sure she'd ever thought about it, and found herself turning back around herself to look at Lana, wondering what Maddie meant. "She doesn't?"

"Yeah, I thought they were all supposed to be stiffs in suits. Maybe that's just in movies." Maddie mused. "But she looks all edgy, streetwise and shorter than you would think. I guess that's why she's wearing those boots."

"Oh! No, that's Kalinda, the one I work with. Lana's the agent."

"I want to meet her." And Maddie was off her stool and weaving through the crowd, Alicia trailing helplessly in her wake.

Fucking wonderful. Kalinda could see Maddie Hayward headed their way, and Alicia looking quite drunk trying hard to keep up.

"Well done on attracting attention, we're about to have company." Kalinda warned.

Lana turned around to where Maddie was standing, just behind them. Alicia tripped the last few steps to catch up.

"Uh, this is Kalinda Sharma, our firm's investigator. And Agent Lana Delaney, who's…"

"I'm Maddie Hayward." She began, not waiting for Alicia to come up with goodness knows what explanation.

"Hi." Lana looked wary, beginning to wonder if she was destined to be interrupted every time she was with Kalinda.

"I've never met an actual FBI agent." Maddie asserted.

And as Maddie began to launch into a series of questions about what it was like to work in a man's world that had Lana leaning back on her barstool in instinctive avoidance, Kalinda decided that she was completely superfluous and that Lana had brought this on herself.

"Excuse me a moment." Kalinda beat a retreat to the restroom.

Once inside she leant her hands on the smooth porcelain of the basin, bowed her head and laughed. There was even some actual amusement to it.

She raised her head when she heard the door open. And there was Alicia. Kalinda started laughing again. "Awkward much?"

"Kalinda, I'm so sorry, she just headed over before I could say something." Alicia's embarrassment was obvious. "I'm not very good at understanding what she's doing."

And that was when Kalinda realised. "That's who tried to pick you up."

Alicia corrected her. "I _thought_ she was trying to pick me up."

"No Alicia, you're not understanding me. She was trying to pick you up. That's what she does."

Alicia's forehead wrinkled. "What?"

"Straight women - first times. That's her thing."

"Um…" Alicia wasn't sure what the hell to say to that.

"I'm serious. She pitches it in terms of feminism, solidarity, and that shit. And then she seduces them and gives them a one-time fuck."

Alicia's mouth opened but nothing came out. Was it possible that someone could be that predatory?

"You should be careful."

"Okay." Alicia agreed, wondering when her life had become this complicated. What the hell would Eli advise in this situation?

Kalinda snorted. "I wonder if she thinks Lana is straight? That could get interesting."

"Maddie Hayward is really known for this?"

"Yeah." Kalinda rolled her eyes. "In some circles. Apparently she's shit in bed too."

"Right. So." From Owen, Alicia knew that gay men gossiped. Apparently women did too. "So, if I ever want to pick up a woman, I should let you vet her first."

Kalinda's eyes flashed, she doubted Alicia meant to bait her, but surely she had had to have some clue. Maybe it was time she got one. She held Alicia's gaze. "No. You should just call _me_."

Alicia swallowed and took a step back. The tiles behind her provided support. She didn't even feel their coldness because of the heat of Kalinda's eyes on her. She felt like the room was spinning, and not only because of the alcohol. "Should I?" she dared. Perhaps there was good complicated and bad complicated.

"Yeah, you should." Kalinda took one step forward, then another...


End file.
